Fear... and stuff

I played a good game of excited confidence right up to the Sunday evening goodbye dinner.  After that I started to get more and more shaken, and it is only now starting to (thankfully) recede.  I've been scared as hell, but refused to even allow myself to accept the full truth until now.  I was scared of leaving my home, I was scared of quitting my job, I was scared of going to poor non-English speaking countries.  And I'm still a little scared, but I believe my "exposure therapy" is beginning to take hold. 

      (This evening's sunset in downtown Granada)

Day by day, I can actually feel myself becoming less afraid.  It actually feels almost like I'm getting stronger in some weird way, and I really like that.  I told Ashley many times, that I believe this adventure will empower us psychologically, and I still believe that. 

The old saying "one in the hand is worth two in the bush", (even though we are wired this way psychologically) it always bothered me because it means that we would rather settle with our current situation than taking risks for an even greater reward.  I'm so tired of living in fear, and it's actually been intensely exciting to "release the one", and begin to jump in to the bush after those other two.

It is fascinating to me, how I could desire a thing so much, but also be so frightened of actually doing it.  I am so blessed (and certainly I don't deserve) to have my beautiful and wonderful bride and her constant encouragement and support.  If it weren't for her, perhaps this whole adventure would have just continued to be day dreams swimming in my often times spastic head.  

No ragrets... not even one letter.  ;-)  

Oh and this was dinner tonight:  A little less than $2 USD.  It fed us both, and was delicious!!